I saw the spark of wonder in his eyes, the way he’d lose his focus when he heard something beautiful or saw what others didn’t dare to see. Beautiful being the tiniest of details, the way a fellow being whispered to another or how the water splattered every time his sister attempted to wash the dishes. He was mesmerised by it all, he didn’t find the deep blue eyed girl in our class beautiful, I always found him stealing glimpses of the girl who was unwanted just because of her silence, but he heard music in her absence of sound, one that maybe later I heard too.
Everyone ran inside when it rained but there he was sitting in the middle of the road, soaking under the water droplets and staring at them as they hit the stone floor. I wondered what it was the drove him to do such strange things but he wasn’t really aware of it, he wasn’t aware of the fact that he got lost in all of life and it’s wonders.
We were friends, him and I, quite close actually but here I was trying to figure out the mechanism of his mind while he was just busy enjoying life as it was.
You don’t usually come around such lost souls in your life but I was lucky enough to find one. There was beauty in his courage despite the fact that he found worth in objects that lacked importance in other people’s lives, he preserved despite all he had been through, he who still believed there was good in the world. And I needed his enthusiasm, his hope, as us dark things often find we need that light the most. Light that our life lacks because of our inability to be grateful for all that we have.
I enjoyed losing myself, I loved the sensation of being lost while he had a tendency to get lost from time to time and from place to place. And it wasn’t confusing at all to me, as those who enjoy getting lost would obviously be found in the company of those who involuntarily lose themselves. I asked him once, ‘what’re you afraid of’ and he replied with his charmingly witty smile ‘I’m frightened of getting lost, of course.’ I stood there staring into his eyes, which were somewhere else entirely, like always and realised that I was lost.
Not lost in the way you lose your way or lose what defines you, I was lost in his soul, in his confusing perception of the world. I was lost in the way people lose themselves when they fall in love; entirely and not really knowing that they’re falling into the depth of another’s personality. It was beautiful how I, someone who enjoyed losing herself to things and feeling them wholly, was completely unaware of the fact that his personality had such an effect on mine. His thoughts and ideas and peaceful conceptions were moulding my chaotic heart and were trying to fix its scars and join back the fragments of my soul that people that lost.
But it didn’t make sense, for he was lost in the world while I was lost in him and all I hoped was that he believed me to be another beautiful soul in his world, one that could grab his attention more than all the other wonders he had fallen for. I desired to be the principal cause of his lost nature, the one he had fallen for more immensely and infinitely than all others.
Heyy ya guys I worked really hard to put a lot of emotion into this so pls comment on how I could improve it further or what part you liked about it. Thank u💕